The Redneck Wedding

The other day, I was sick so I stayed home.   It was me, the couch, and about 200 cable tv channels.   Daytime TV is usually a depressing mix of talk shows, soap operas, and a steady rotation of lawyer/credit card debt/bankrupcy commercials.   I landed on “CMT” and found myself watching one of the most disturbing reality shows ever:  “My Big Redneck Wedding.”

 It’s a real show, hosted by Tom Arnold. 

Enter every redneck stereotype known to man:

  • fat
  • uneducated
  • camoflauge
  • pick-up trucks
  • outhouses
  • mud wrestling
  • plasticwear
  • overalls
  • barnyard animals running around
  • guns
  • pig roasts
  • the confederate flag

yes!  It was all there.  Not to mention the matrimonial union of a brother and his adopted sister.  One groom even surprised his wife by getting a tattoo in honor of her, except that it was not her name, but the emblem for Wrangler jeans.

Oh, the horror!

The whole experience brought back flashbacks of my own redneck wedding experience.   Circa 2004:   It all went down inside of an Elk’s Lodge.   I was in the wedding party and got paired up with one of the groom’s friends, who resembled a neo-nazi and had the lack of proper social skills/common sense to match.  At one point during the reception, he simulated sex with the giant Elk statue in front of the building. 

By the end of the night, this young man’s wife was hitting on me in the limo on the way home.  The bride was pissed.  The groom, oblivious.  (he passed out shortly afterwards;  guess there was no consumation of the marriage that night.) 

Anyways, 3 episodes of this horrid show were enough.  I felt raunchy just watching from my spot on the couch, and felt inspired to get back to my exercise routine.

 The setting for matrimonial bliss.  Yeehaw.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Lana says:

    If you think that’s bad, check out “Bridezillas.” Most of them are fat, skanky, and obnoxious… Yet they’ve found someone low enough to want to shack up with them for all eternity. Or at least until the next sweathog in lingerie shows up to tempt them. **shudder**

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