It has been 5 months or so since I engaged in sexytimes.
I like sex. Just not so much that I’ll associate with the men with whom I used to have sexual relations. These men were not “boyfriends,” just that old cliché’ known as “friends with benefits.” During my 20s, these faux relationships seemed worth it, since I didnt really need a boyfriend around tying me down while I was trying to “find” myself. Plus, I never picked the best men for ‘boyfriends,’ so it all worked out ok.
But as I look towards 31, my sex life situation is between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to get online to find my ‘match.’ Internet dating just isn’t my forte’. I’ve always imagined meeting “the one” while perusing the produce section at Shopper’s Food Warehouse. Meanwhile, I’ve banished all the friends with benefits out of my life. Thank god for battery-operated boyfriends; but even they are beginning to get boring and predictable.
I’m done trying to “find” myself. I just am who I am, with all my beautiful imperfections and mistakes. Sometimes I question breaking up with the one “good” boyfriend I dated. Was he the one? Even though I did not feel “in love,” he certainly treated me well and we were somewhat compatible.
So what’s next?
Should I put more effort into meeting new men? Do I need to start thinking about the timeline between now and my late 30s, if I want to have kids? Do I want to have kids? Hmmm.
But it’s still better than dealing with “friends with benefits,” because as much as that situation is glorified, it can really be quite messy. I don’t like the idea of being “screwable”, but not “dateable,” perhaps I am not laid-back enough to not view it as an insult after a while.
And then there’s the feelings. Plenty women have claimed to have separated sex and love, but sometimes it doesnt work out that way after a while. Sometimes the separation exists, but the guy starts being more trouble than he’s worth. And then there’s the question, “How many friends with benefits arrangements does HE have going on?” An exclusive Fw/B situation would be nice, good sex and no words like “relationship” or “committment,” no awkward talks.
Unless I’m in love with him, and then it would all work out just fine.
As long as he was in love too.
But do I regret letting those losers go? Not a chance.