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Have a Baffling New Year
*a poem from Jan 2020
20/20
No choice but to listen
to the silence of what you say
BRIDES & GROOMS
occupied empty rooms,
lonely in the hallway
uncaged birds sing to them
when we said forever
we meant maybe
and it’s 3 AM.
You’re feeling shaky
what’s done is done.
Happy new year baby
I saw you standing there,
caught in a silent storm,
floating restlessly in your truest form. You’re just flirting with it
the fix is no solution
The fix in the substances
save your New Year’s resolution
you look for the door
Seen you at your worst
even then it works
today you’re the same
January 1st
the clock resets
try your best?
tell them where it hurts.
These waves are are unrelenting
if you swim against them
so stay above the surface
of this three ring circus
hindsight can you see
is 20/20
you arrived
showed up
running off of fumes
because when the world says NO,
you hear MAYBE
I think that you’re a lot
to love
happy new year baby
ran on empty.
Don’t go all alone
the world will give you plenty.
The ground is shaky
bring me where it takes me.
The world is a question and
we’re all trainees,
following secondhand directions
Up in the trees
The roads are rough
And the maps aren’t cheap
Life gets harder
when you wear that armor
because you can’t get stronger
on your own.
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If you’re far away
This may just work
I am in love
With the distance -
See?
Somewhere in the Middle
how much of me
is made of machine?
unfeeling
still feeling
something
while time runs away
somewhere in the middle
part of me
blurs
I stay
hanging in there
still wondering
what it is that’s missing
soon as I wake up
I decide to shut down the day
i wish I could choose
the fragments so scattered
to let goor lose
cause it’s hard
to play life by life’s own rules
and impossible to win
cheating at solitaire
cant marinate anymore
depressions so boring
rage and pain an infection
no cure yet
self medicate like Neosporin
try to find the right balance
a pendulum swings like clockwork
time moves
I want to move with time
turn pages
Gone like the Past
change minds
Soften the unresolved feeling
from hard core to Cinemax
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A fairytale ending
When will you catch up?
I gave up on you, and it felt so good
to be free again
Don’t believe I didn’t feel your pain
your pure longing
your desperation
I captured it all
kept it inside of me
like a live photograph
I understood every human bone inside
that kept your black cold heart beating
that kept your calculating mind
alive
but never well enough
at least when it came
to me
if there is anything left
a spot of integrity perhaps
I hope you find it
because there is nothing left
of us
I gave you up like chocolate during lent uncomfortable at first forgettable at last
and when I rise again
the habit will be dead
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The Podcast You Didn’t Know Existed
Basically, I’m putting myself out there and mixing my worlds. Ladies and gentlemen, I have been podcasting. I have a podcast. Would you listen and if you dare- share your thoughts?
Just click: HereForAReason
CLICK TO LISTEN TO SOUNDBITES on Instagram https://anchor.fm/HereForAReason -
Did you miss me?
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Just passing through
You see, under the surface
a lot is crashing
pretend zen
carried around like all your
hotel pens
And the room cards you keep
to remember the bed
you barely did sleep
there was a magic
to be had in the city
better get it now
while you’re not old
and still pretty
roaming the streets
strutting real spiffy
hidden are addictions
when you walk with such conviction
never quite invisible
but projecting the invincible
You know for a few more days
You can create the image
Instead of taking the picture
Enjoy your stay
You are the world’s
favorite mixer
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All Those Things you Carry
What u doing out tonight
I hope everything’s alright
So lost
you can’t be found
so alone this time around
A dreamer displaced
All Those Things, time won’t erase
Packed and carried in a suitcase
In your heart
With a new face for your new start
Talking to yourself at night
A million fake days
Block the sun’s rays
Sing your songs
you stayed too long
Memories, faceless
your voice an echo
These sentences are
scared second thoughts
left behind
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3AM in Venice Beach
We were so high. October 2015. A honeymoon that was over already.
It was 3 AM in a Bungalow near the main drag. I thought we were having fun but you got pissed because I spilled water on the floor.
The honeymoon began in San Diego, then inland to San Francisco. And then down the PCH. Big Sur, Moreno Beach, Pebble Beach.
I couldn’t believe the life pulsating from the Pacific Coast Highway. I felt the heartbeat of a beaten coastline; choppy, beautiful, risky, winding, extremely unfamiliar, stunning… the kind of imagery you wish you could record in your mind.
We went to Palm Springs and I fell in love with desert hot springs. But nothing like the unbridled love I felt for Venice Beach.
The sun beat down on my shoulders. I never looked better. What was I doing with my life? Back in Venice, I bought more weed and on the second to last night I talked to Andre L. from 3 to 6 AM on Twitter.
Vegas was the last stop on the way back to DC. Vegas made me miss California. Nobody wins in Vegas, but I knew you’d have to find that out for yourself. I took an Ambien to fall asleep. It was 3 AM and you left to blow $400 playing blackjack at the MGM. You said I said to go, but I don’t remember that, not at all. You became quite a night owl around all those flashing lights.
Venice Beach -
A quote for Today
The people were like days
Some you couldn’t stop thinking about
others you couldn’t wait to forget
79sparrows
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79 Sparrows 